Grudges

I was talking a couple of my closest friends the other day and the topic of grudges came up. I have a couple of them I just can't seem to let go of, and I need to figure out why and wherefore and how to neutralize them. One is against Greg's former church whose name I shall not mention here, but you know who you are! Greg was an atheist, but he loved church music and gave many hours of his life to church choirs and also composed music that was performed in church. He sang as long as he could coax his voice out, and didn't let the Parkinson's tremors stop him. He had what we considered to be friends in the choir, some of whom came over frequently to play ping-pong with him. Our kids went to Sunday School there and Matt's Boy Scout Troop met there and did his Eagle project there. After Greg was unable to sing in the choir, he was too sad to attend church. I ran into one of the church stalwarts after Greg had to go into a care facility, so I know they knew he was there. I know it is very difficult to see a person in a dementia-care place. But no one, not even the minister or deacon ever even offered to visit him there.  When I called the church to tell them of his death, I was asked if I wanted a funeral service there, and when I said no, was reminded that he wasn't really a member anyway. One couple came to the memorial I held at my home (announced in the newspaper). Not a single word or note from a single other person there. It makes me cry to even write this. I don't know what causes all this emotion. I guess it is expectations unmet. Maybe there is some guilt that I didn't reach out. I hear about other people's churches who are caring and supportive, and I just feel bad! I don't want to feel this way anymore.  (Grudge #2 in an upcoming blog, perhaps.)